When Parents Volunteer
"Helicopter parents." If you work in children's ministry, you know these parents who continually hover protectively over their child. They're often eager to volunteer, not so much to help out leaders, but to make sure Miranda isn't picked on by the other kids, or that Johnny doesn't hurt himself, or that Edgar's nose gets wiped promptly, or that the teacher truly appreciates the many talents of wonderful little Tracy! Even when you need more volunteers, you might not be happy when these parents volunteer. They don't always make your task easier.
Yes, parents who volunteer to help with a group specifically because their child is a participant can be a challenge, especially when the parent has trouble granting the child appropriate independence. But overall, parents make excellent volunteers.
- Most serve and enjoy the other children as well as their own.
- The shared participation of parent and child can be a wonderful experience, with life-long memories.
- Parents benefit by seeing their child in a different setting, and by getting to know other children and families.
- Many excellent groups, such as scouting groups and athletic teams, are primarily staffed by parent volunteers.
In the church, all God's people have time and talents to use in His service, even helicopter parents. You can handle the challenge of helicopter parents by using these strategies that actually benefit all volunteers, not just parents. If you're a children's ministry leader, train your teachers to use them, too.
Acknowledge reality. Some of these parents will still be hovering when their child is in college or on their first full-time job. You aren't going to single-handedly "fix" them, nor are you going to turn back the clock to the "good ol' days" when people raised kids like you raised yours. Jesus opened himself to all people, even tax collectors and sinners. Bring people to Jesus and let him deal with their sins and weaknesses, as he deals with mine and yours.
Have clear expectations. When Mommy volunteers, she's got an idea in her head about what she'll be doing. She isn't going to have a picture of what you expect unless you give it to her. In a real, sit-down conversation, share a written job description, with expectations clearly laid out. Stress your ministry goals, purpose and values so she sees that this goes beyond babysitting or entertaining her child. You might even share some stories of volunteer successes, and volunteer pit-falls to beware of. If you didn't do it in advance, do it now with all your volunteers.
Stress goals and purpose while they serve. Affirm volunteers in ways that reinforce your purpose, goals and vision. "When you comforted Leticia, you really demonstrated Jesus' love." "You made that Bible story come alive for the kids." Comment on their impact beyond their own child. "Jesse really likes it when you help him."
Get to know parents as individuals. Parenting is all-consuming, and it's easy to forget there is life beyond parenting. Ask about their pre-parent lives-hobbies and interests, travel, career and jobs. Ask what they'd enjoy doing after their kids are grown. Comment on their specific gifts that might also be useful in other ministries down the road. You might not see the results of your comments, but they still have an effect. At my church, when new members tell me they want to volunteer for activities their children are involved in, I affirm their choice, but also mention that some of our members end up feeling lost at church when their children grow up. I encourage them to find at least one small additional way to get involved, perhaps by serving as greeter at the church doors one time a month, so that the church still feels like their church even when their kids are no longer at home. More than once, someone has later mentioned that they remembered that advice.
Plan for problems. No one likes problems. But thinking your response through in advance, and intervening when problems are still small, are the best ways to reduce problems. As a staff, develop a strategy for dealing with problems. Learn some conflict resolution techniques. Encourage sharing of difficulties, early intervention, and support each other as you do. When your best problem-solving efforts don't work, know that you can fire a volunteer but only as the last option after a loving and Christian process. (See "How to Fire a Church Volunteer" included in the articles on supporting volunteers here.)
The big picture. Parent volunteers are the lifeblood of children's ministry. A very large church in our area has a part-time employee whose primary job is recruiting parents for their children's ministry. Encourage parent volunteers, but don't presume all parents should volunteer or will want to volunteer. Work with other ministries in your church so that all people are serving in ministries that best match their gifts and interests. As you recruit, deliberately also look for non-parents with the appropriate gifts. Try pairing a helicopter parent volunteer with a more experienced volunteer who has the tact and maturity to be a good model and friend to the parent.
In children's ministry, you serve children. But when volunteers and staff serve together in a ministry, we also have the opportunity to serve each other. In fact, leaders are always either helping or hindering their volunteers' service. As you pray that God will use you to impact the lives of the children, include your parent volunteers, too.